Travels 234: Crying on Christmas day at the Killing Fields in Choeung Ek

After having been subjected to my life-changing reflections at the Tuol Sleng (S21) visit early in the day, I paused and prayed at the Choeung Ek Wat on my way to the infamous Killing Fields in Asia and that is in Choeung Ek in the Kingdom of Cambodia. So named “Killing Fields” by survivor Dith Pran, it is living museum where atrocities to humanity were forever paused for many around the world to come and reflect. The horrors of 1975-1979 years of the evil Pol Pot regime were mostly evident in the Killing Fields.

Nowadays, many tourists and backpackers around the world come to Choeung Ek to come to this memorial which stands time and perhaps learn more about what made Cambodia into what it is today. I understood Cambodia now more than ever, much more, felt her and embraced her and the entire Cambodian people because of what they had been forced to go through some 35 years ago. Million of Cambodians died and perished, families, fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, siblings, children have died after a gruelling torture and rape. This particular trip is my final stop on my self-imposed reflection journey on Christmas day.

I have designed my itinerary around these sites for me to embrace humanity as everyone back home celebrates a joyous Christmas. I and my friend Lyna arrived in time and I paid $7 for the audio guide. Upon arriving at the Killing Fields as they say, I felt the sudden burst of raw emotion. If one was not to the Tuol Sleng (S21) Genocide Museum, one perhaps can never connect and relate to the horrors. For me, it is as if I took on the simulated trip of a prisoner from Tuol Sleng to Choeung Ek for execution, only for me, I stopped at the Wat to pray.

When the narrator started to explain the holy and sacred place called the “Killing Fields”, I started to walk along other tourists and backpackers, some were with me at Tuol Sleng. I was allowed my own personal time by my friend Lyna to walk around the entire complex on my own. He just patiently waited for me. I pass other numbered stations until I came across the Killer Tree which is the same place I felt my tears fell on the ground from my cheeks. The audio guide explained that the tree in front of me is where children and babies were killed by smashing their little heads on the tree, brains scattered on the trunk then they will be thrown off the open pit which serves as their mass grave.

I walk farther away, I saw bones, fragments of skull on the ground and were cordoned off by a rope reminding guest not to walk on mass graves. I also saw the Magic Tree where no magic was wielded but sheer cruelty and eerie music played on loud speakers to defuse the moans and cries of people dying and fighting for their lives.

The “Killing Fields” is a tragic community where men and women were reduced to nobody and whose physical body were subjected to so much pain, broken their spirit and left to rot. It may served as a memorial now however, the pains of the Cambodian people remain including that of the entire world where many have suffered after those evil years where Pol Pot ruled the country.

The last stop of the audio guided tour to the “Killing Fields” is the stupa which sits at the center of the complex. It is where hundreds of recovered skulls were placed meticulously on glass dividers and where visitors can come in and pray. I did went inside and prayed, took photos, said my prayers and left in peace.

The journey I took reduced me to tears and I was wiping it through which others can also gleaned. I silently bowed down my head and absorb their silence and their peace, seeing some in tears too. The first Christmas I cried was never home but where my heart felt at peace and it is at Choeung Ek. I never mind it was Christmas that I took the journey for it defines me my own humanity and strengthened in me resilience to see through every pain and challenge I will have to face while I live. The journey was entirely one that created in me the longing of a son to a father and a mother whom I lost already and felt their spirit too, abiding in me.

Travels 232: I broke my heart in the unspeakable horrors of Tuol Sleng (S21)

A former High School nestled inside the perimeters within the city limits of Phnom Penh in Cambodia, Tuol Sleng becomes the gruesome prison of many Cambodians during the genocidal years of Pol Pot. For justifiable reasons only exclusively to Pol Pot and his comrades of demented followers, the scenes I have seen broke my heart and reduced me to some of my lowest moments reflecting on how hapless Cambodians were subjected into by their own fellowmen. At the hands of Pol Pot, they converted Tuol Svay Prey High School into the site of shame and horror called Toul Sleng in 1975. Heinous crimes against humanity were done and perpetuated by the followers of Pol Pot on this complex from 1975-1979.

The S21 otherwise known as Security 21 houses more than 10,000 prisoners, who were tortured, murdered on top of their own senseless detention. I came into this complex on Christmas day and what broke my heart is to see the gruesome fear and unspeakable horrors they have felt on the years I was born. I can never understand nor will try to understand why innocent people, educated and middle class Cambodians will have to undergo the tortures and inhumane treatment.

In getting through my own pacing, my Cambodian friend Sandap drop me off at the main entrance and paid the necessary fees, I silently took off. I absorbed every room I see, every empty beds, shreds of clothing, stains and chalkboards as well as silent walls. I kept on telling myself that if only these walls, windows or doors can speak to me, perhaps, I will hear the unspoken cruelty and torture. I saw the photos of those innocent and fearful civilians, I felt their fear and agony.

My journey through the rooms and buildings at Toul Sleng (S21) brought me much pain and an experience that do not give me much comfort but a feeling of spiralling decay and hopelessness. I can only understand why people die but I will refuse to understand why Pol Pot and his evil minions are doing it to their own people. I will never understand it because as I walked through the walls and alleyways, I represent much of a society that respect the universal and fundamental human right of every one and very much come from a civilized society.

Toul Sleng (S21) is a museum one should muster the courage to visit if one wanted to understand the past of Cambodia and how it’s lovely and innocent, peaceful loving people were murdered after a gruesome torture. My journey through its walls remind me that I will oppose anyone or country who unjustly bring genocide on its own people. My journey though broke my heart will forever be one that kept me wholly as a person who despise evil and one who do not and never will condone evils against any people everywhere.

The evil regime of Pol Pot left a huge scar on the people of Cambodia, whom I considered my brothers and sisters. His evil regime is one that replicates no one but Hitler and the despicable and the horrors of Auswitchz.  Their unspeakable torture to children and young women includes rape, for older women and married women, a mutilation of nipples then afterwards scorpions and cobras will feast on the hapless women, for young boys, the picking of nails then a douse of alcohol to instil pain and ultimately, an unspeakable murder.