Journeys 130: How can Christmas be without you because you are gone…

On this Christmas morning, I mourn for those 10 nurses who perished in Tuguegaro City and whose families were left behind in tragedy and those whose lives were altered forever because of this. As I had always been saying to myself, Christmas will never be the same without those who mattered to us the most. It may be Christmas still but the emptiness, longing and the tears will always comes down when we are alone.

Last night, I never felt the joy like we used to do in the past when Dad and Mum were still alive. It was when nearly midnight on Christmas Eve that Mum will wake us up, gather us in the table full of food and the feel of merrymaking in the air while Dad will offer his humble yet meaningful prayer. We will enjoy whatever we had on Christmas eve, we are family and we are just as carefree and glee. Those were never the same now. My Dad and Mum passed away. I have not felt the same Christmases that has passed and just the mundane repetition of what has to be done to make the season pass, I have had done it to conform to what others really have felt for the season but as I always wished, had wished they could have lived longer with me, with us.

So as I was comforting myself, I came across a nice and very thoughtful poem by David Romano. Never heard his name in literary circles but his poem struck a cord within my heart. Life, as I have believed it now, will never be the same without those whom we loved, adored and admired.

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If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

If tomorrow starts without me, and I’m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say.
I know how much you care for me, and how much I care for you,
and each time that you think of me I know you’ll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready in heaven far above,
and that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I’d always thought I didn’t want to die.
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.
it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a while,
I’d say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realised that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things that I’d miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven’s gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne,
He said, “This is eternity and all I’ve promised you,
Today your life on earth is past but here it’s starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last.
and since each day’s the same, there’s no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful, so trusting, so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do.
And you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.
So won’t you come and take my hand and share my life with me?”

So if tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart,
for every time you think of me, please know I’m in your heart.

David Romano

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Further on, allow me to share another poem by Grace Noll Crowell which best describes me and my action relative to what has happened. For a fact, I never knew these nurses personally. I have been struck of their tragedy and felt the loss like everyone else. I felt pained and robbed of their passing. I share in the bereavement of the families and friends because I knew that such a tragedy like this will ever be a burden to carry. I send them my prayers hoping to be of help, embrace them at their loss and share further on, in their remembrance of those great sons, nephews, grandsons, nephews and boyfriends.

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To One In Sorrow

Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours,
Can understand.

Let me come in — I would be very still
Beside you in your grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping, friend,
Tears can bring relief.

Let me come in — I would only breathe a prayer,
And hold your hand,
For I have known a sorrow such as yours,
And understand.

Grace Noll Crowell

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Rest in peace all of you brothers Jerome, Francis, Nelmar, Jenzen, Henderson, Justin, Ryan, Allen, Jayjay and Ron. Abide in our love and affection, respect and admiration.

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