Journey 231: MAMA: The Strength we need to go on

In our journeys, our Mom will always be with us, behind us and cheering us up to further appreciate life as they see it for us. When we are inside her womb, she pampers us fully well into birth, ever careful not to hurt us. She talks to us, sings to us even if we have not understood at such an earliest time but it indeed what defines us when we grow up. What we are now is due in all honesty, to how she cares for us in pregnancy and through birth and as we grow up. When we took the first smile, we see Mama’s face, feel her embrace, hear her sweetest lullaby and smells her breath. Her belly is our comforts which explain why when we are pained; we embrace Mama and rest in her belly. It is where we feel the safest we knew for sure.

When we took the first step into the world, she abides in us. She holds our hands through life, they walked with us through our journeys and when we learn to run for our lives, she runs after us too trying to make sure that she knows what is it we are chasing and where we are heading to. Just as when we commit mistakes, she scolds us, repeatedly repeating everything that we usually either shut-off, move off to somewhere where her voice will just be a temporary distant discord we heard. She is hurt by that, she is hurting but we do not see her pain as she does not show it. She just embraces her role in our hearts and our pains are hers to keep and her pains are hers to keep forever which is the saddest part of living.

Loving our mothers are sometimes a bitter-sweet journey, it is a tug-o-war between our desire for independence and her desire to over-protect us. In her efforts to pamper us, she forbids everything she think will not be good enough for us and our lives, but we oftentimes dismisses it as overbearing. When we sought independence from her embrace, she is hurting for she will knew from the start that sooner, her children will go out of her nest, her home, her world and her immediate world. Because we felt we have those capacity to move on independently in life that we speedily dash to the doors without looking back at her. We usually do not look back at her sitting by the window longing for our presence, our embrace and our kisses. We usually do not look back at her preparing the food we eat every morning before going to school or to the office. We usually do not look back at her making sure we took the first bath, get dressed up for every Church service. We usually do not look back at her making preparations for our graduation, our wedding and our giving birth to her grandchildren.

Sometimes, because we think Mothers are mothers, we have our own ways of living life too often too far away from the world they are used to. Unaware, our mothers are the proudest of what we can become and what we had been doing. They endlessly and tirelessly proffer stories about your adventures and misadventures in life. She is the most reliable person in our life where we can open out what we felt – our first crushes, our first kiss, our first girlfriend/boyfriend, our first love, our first heartbreaks, our first time making out and our first time drinking but unfortunately, as we grow up, we seldom share to her anymore which only give her to relish on your firsts and not the subsequent ones.

When we committed wrongs and made wrong decisions, they never question us, never even touching on the topic again aware we will be hurt further on but she can always talk to us the way she should. When we are pained for a loss love, she is forever there reassuring us that there are plenty out there to love more. When our love broke down, she is the first to tell us it will be all right and reassuring us that tomorrow will just be one fine day.

Honestly, as we got to celebrate her day in her life, how do we care for our Mum, mother, mudra, mamski, maming, mama, momi, mommy? When she texts/calls us, do we reply immediately back? When she ask for medicines, do we give it right away? When she seeks your pampering embrace, do we give her? When she needs you to listen to her pains and her challenges, are we there? When she need company to Church, are we there? When she needs comfort after she has slipped off, are we there? How many times we spend with her now that we are adult and busy with life? How do we care for her when our easiest escape is our busyness in work, in our career, our lovelife and our journeys? How many of us call her to share a walk in the park holding hands reassuring her that her days are as important as ours? How many of us ever come back to our old home, sleep in her room even if we have a family of our own? How many of us comes back to taste her most delicious food even if we can afford the most pricey gourmet food off the rack in fancy restaurants? How many of us carry her through in life while we are carrying ours too?

When my mother was fighting for her dear life in ICU on one fine but dark morning, I was helpless. I have been where I was at the moment, I had everything at my disposal, great doctors friends, great nurses whom I work with, great hospital but when her time was up and she fought for every breath of her life to live, I stood at the door when I opened it, looking at her, with ventilators and doctors trying to revive her, hysterical and crying. I can never be God but at that instant, I wished I was. I was fighting for her to never give up but she did which left me until today, walking and living with a huge void –the emptiness one feel when losing someone so dear, so close. The last thing I told her was my whimpering “I LOVE YOU Maming”, tears running on and trying to kiss her hoping she will be awaken by it. I was hysterically hugging her even scolding the doctors and the nurses to get out of the ICU but she was gone, never to be back. It was just so raw a life can give which I embraced. It was an experience I had in my lifetime that will be forever in my heart and my mind looking at her reassuring me that she will be alright even with a ventilator on. When my Maming passed away at age 60, I was left out in the world with no one to call a mother, a friend, a confidant and a trust builder.

While we all live with our Mothers, let us never forget her role in our lives. When we are busy with work and even with our families, never forget where they are in your lives. When we are successful in our lives, do not ever forget to walk her by through life for the very same reason that when we are her depending children, she walks us through life. Now, when you have everything in life, all the comforts and the riches one can aspire, have you walk your Mother through life, holding her hand and embracing her? Have you walk her through even in the most ordinary day? If not, then walk her through before her chapter closes. I tell you, you can never feel the void when she is still there and we can still see her and hear her – but she is gone, then the sore missing will be a tremendous missing which most of the time, left us messing the most precious moments we wished she could be there to see us through.

Today, more than ever, when your Mom is still with you, walk her through and if you are a mother, guide your children through. It’s a cycle of life that we are what we become because we are what we made ourselves of. As I have loss my Maming, embrace your mother for me.

Happy Mother’s day to all the Moms in the world!

Categories: Journeys | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Journey 231: MAMA: The Strength we need to go on

  1. AJ

    I teared up reading this, Dr. Wends. How honestly you have told your story. I’m certain it was an ineffable comfort for her to have you there at that moment of transition. I say transition because I don’t believe that death is the end. She merely passed on to another dimension, not passed away.

    I also appreciate how you gave a detailed account of our mothers’ acts of love and sacrifice in our growing-up years. It’s easy to forget these seemingly little things now: how she wakes up much earlier in the morning to prepare our food and what-not, how we hardly ever look back when we go off to crave our own road in life. Perhaps because we were too young then to have vivid memories of such things. But I realize they weren’t inconsequential at all. Mothers give us life beyond giving birth to us.

    Thanks for this poignant Mother’s Day post!

    • Thank you for your generous comments AJ. I am utterly speechless and honored as well as humbled by it.

      Thank you again for appreciating what I have written in my blog.

      God bless you in your journey always.

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